Struggle

From my coffee cup to yours. Here’s my story! 

I found out I was going to be a mom at the young age of 22, and I had my son at age 23. He was born in June of this year! He’s now a healthy 4 month, going on 5 month, old. He’s my world and I wouldn’t have it any other way. From his hungry cries to his little giggles when you tickle his feet. Him being my son has made me a better person. But, it hasn’t been easy, and sometimes I still struggle.

Before he was even a month old, his dad left us to go off and work. I was a new mom, this was all overwhelming, and in turn, being left alone made my PPD sky rocket! I didn’t know what I was doing, all I knew is that my son needed me to be the best mom I could be! He’s been a formula fed baby ever since he was born. Needless to say, I had an emergency c-section which in turn, made me not want to breastfeed because I was basically sick from 3 days after being home til the 2 weeks of being home, that I then decided to go to the doctor. I had a stomach infection which could have been alot worse had I not gone to the hospital when I did. My sons father called me a lazy mother because I didn’t want to help much after being home. I laughed at him, and just pushed on. I knew I was sick, but I was so angry at him, I just wanted to prove him wrong. But, that’s not what this post is about.

Back to being left alone with my not even month old son! It was the middle of summer. The truck I was driving didn’t have air. I was locked in the house day in and day out because it was too HOT to go anywhere! My family came over when they could but they have busy lives, as well as my friends. I knew something wasn’t right when I was laying in bed, watching my son sleep, tears rolling down my face, thinking of ways I could kill myself but also thinking about who would raise my son if I left this earth? I’ve seen all of these posts about new moms scared to admit something isn’t right and they take their own lives. Seek help! That’s what I did! I went to my family doctor, they asked me a series of questions. They told me I definitely had post partum depression and not to feel discouraged because it happens to alot of new moms. But, I couldn’t help but to feel guilty and like I wasn’t being a good enough mom! They prescribed me medicine, and also counseling. I got the medicine but I never attended counseling. I quit taking the medicine because it made me exhausted to the point where I could hardly get up and take care of my son at night. Instead of seeking professional help, I found things that make me happy, to do, and I got a job! My son now goes to day care while I work. He is there today while I work on cleaning up the house and laundry. IT DOES GET BETTER! The first couple of months are overwhelming but I promise you will make it through! My baby went from being a cranky newborn, up 4-5 times a night, to a healthy and happy 4 month old, who only wakes up 1-2 time a night. Motherhood isn’t easy but it’s definitely worth it!

Don’t be afraid to reach out to me! I’m here to help and give any advice that I can! Believe me when I say, I know how you feel and what you’re going through.

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